My weekend so far

My life this Thursday morning to Sunday evening is full of 5 boys, craziness and new friendships. I’m sure there will be many more pictures to come.

A Hobbit Devotional

Sometimes, God reminds you that He needs to know you will do WHATEVER it is He is asking in WHATEVER circumstance He has you no matter how you feel about it. And I’m so incredibly blown away every time He does it.

Here is a little background. On December 12, 2013 I landed in Atlanta, Georgia after the best 6 months of my life. I was confused about wanting to be home so bad and wanting to be home in Kenya so bad. It was very confusing and it still is. I was overwhelmed with our culture, with white people, with so much food, electricity, running water and the love of people that was overly abounding. I was told of this girl named Jenny that prayed for me for MONTHS. I’ve never seen her, met her or much less talked to her, yet she and several other girls faithfully prayed for me while I was in Kenya. I was beyond thankful but thought I would never get to see her. I don’t know how long I had been home, not terribly long because we were in Target and I was ready to go home. I didn’t want to be out and around that people any more. I would say probably 2 weeks or so. Anyway I round this corner and here HEY BELLA! :/ Whaaaaa? It was Jenny. She acted like she had known me her whole life. Thankfully mom came and explained who she was and I felt better at the moment (I’m really thinking now that I’m ready to go home.)

Fast forward several months and Jenny starts going to our church. We talk occasionally but nothing has really clicked yet at this moment. Makes me laugh how I’ve had several friendships just click lately, Jenny and I just took a little more time. Fast forward even more to July 2013 and BOOM – there is the click. We start talking on the phone, texting, email, hanging out – I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. We were in a conversation probably 2 weeks ago and she told me, God just kept me in the situation I was in for months (possibly years) until I finally told him Lord, I will stay here. This is not where I want to be, but if this is where you want me then I will be content here. Later that night she was asking me about what I’m doing here while at home. And it was the same thing. I was honest, told her I don’t want to be here. I want to go home, to Kenya, but I’ve been praying and looking and the doors just are not open. I told her I love kids, so while working in a daycare is not what I want, if this is where God wants me, then this is where I will be a missionary for Him.

(I’m getting to where it all makes sense, I promise!) This past week I had a call from Auntie Sarah in Kenya. Every time I do I cry. It stirs emotions up in me just so. We didn’t talk long but I could hear all the noises of kids in the background and I wanted it so bad. LIKE OH MY GOODNESS I’M CALLING MY BOSSES AND QUITTING TOMORROW AND MOVING TO KENYA WITH THE FEW DOLLARS I HAVE IN MY POCKET bad. Not even 2 full days later I’m talking to Laurel and she said they would be more than happy for me to come back and do the other 6 months of my year commitment with them at the children’s home. At this point I’m dancing like a hot mess singing O Happy Day! Obviously I’ve sent my pastor an email about the whole thing, so nothing is official, but it is in my head now. And doors are open.

Last night, I lay down in bed and thought, I want to do my Hobbit devotional. It has probably been months since I picked the dern book up and when I did I accidentally skipped a whole lesson ahead. “Accidentally”. Here is what I read:

Solid and Adventerous

Then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves.  -The Hobbit, Chapter 1

Bilbo lived in Hobbinton, where many years earlier his father, Bungo Baggins, had married the celebrated Belladonna Took. Now, the Tooks were a large clan of hobbits to the south in Green Hill country. (Took rhymes with kook, by the way.) The Baggines were considerably more practical, predictable and respectable than the Green Hill folk – after all, several Tooks had gone off on wild adventures. Nevertheless, the risk-taking Tooks were even wealthier than the Bagginses. Go figure.

The Tooks were natural leaders among hobbits. Tooks were “somewhat bolder and more adventerous” than the average Shire-folk. They were known for their daring deeds and boasted of producing some of the greatest heroes. In fact, the hereditary title Thain (leader of the Shire) was passed down to the head of the Took family.

In the beginning of this story, the Baggins side of Bilbo’s nature dominated, almost smothering his Tookish side. Many of us are Baggins-minded as well. We’re down-to-earth and rational. Oh, to be sure, we have our dreams- and every once and a while we stoke their glowing coals in our imagination. But we’re either to sensible to follow the dream, or hard experience has sent us, chastised, back to the safe confines of daily routine. We fulfill our desire for adventure by riding a motorcycle on the weekends or renting an action movie on Friday night.

And so our larger dreams go unfilled.

That’s what happened to Bilbo. His idealism had, over the years, been displaced by a more practical nature. Deep down, Bilbo still longed to see the wide world, to venture beyond the tame edges of his homeland – but he had settled down. He now fulfilled his youthful longings by taking extended walks around the Shire. Marking his favorite paths in red ink on his wall map, Bilbo took those same walks again and again. The dream had been replaced by a comfortable and quite manageable daydream. 

Then a stirring dwarf song – and dwarves can sing! – awakened Bilbo’s desire to venture out, even if that meant abandoning the safe world he knew. 

For most of us – hobbit or modern humans – it’s easier to be adventuresome when were “young and foolish.” Adventure is practically built into our young bodies. But, as we age, we desire more security. This is particularly true if we marry and have children. Suddenly our carefree, risk taking lifestyle seems out of place. Backpacking through Europe is no longer a viable option, so we get a “solid job.” We settle down into predictable schedules. And that’s all fine and necessary… as long as we don’t sink into immobility and completely lose our edge.

It’s great to enjoy an action movie on Friday night – and if you get a thrill from roaring down the highway on a motorbike, go for it. But these “adventures” fall well within our comfort zones. We’re more likely to avoid these chaotic experiences, where things happen unexpectedly and events are beyond our control. Those things that disrupt our stable plans or derail our set schedule are not quite welcome.

When Gandalf searched his memory for the ideal hobbit to join dwarves on a long adventure, he realized he wanted someone with a good, practical head on his shoulders. Someone solid and unflinching – such as a Baggins. The tough road ahead would require a stalwart soul who’d stay the course after the novelty wore off and the tedium set in. The ideal candidate also needed a little Took blood to get him started on the adventure in the first place – just not so much that he was an erratic, flight “fool of a Took.”

Bilbo fit the bill perfectly.

Like Bilbo, we have a deep and genuine need for security. But we can’t do without change, or we’ll simply stagnate. If we never expand our horizons, we’ll settle into deep mental ruts – maybe permanently. We need both security AND a sense of adventure.

Jesus warned that those who followed Him needed to be committed. “No one,” He said, “having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62). He also cautioned regarding  “those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word” (Mark 4:16-17).

Let’s plan to last.Let’s be committed to persevering in our Christian walk – in fact, to any venture to which we’re called. 

Are you a Baggins or a Took – or, like Bilbo, a blend of the two? 

I swear, if that was not perfect for what has happened in my brain this past week, then I don’t know what is. Will you pray with me and for me as I pray and search for guidance?

Life

Life has been hard in 2013. A lot harder than I expected. There is not a day that passes that I don’t yearn to go back to Kenya. Full time would be ideal, but just a visit again would be sufficient.

I struggle with still finding my place here in Montgomery, but more so in life. I don’t know that the struggle will ever be diminished. I wish I struggled with just finding myself here in Alabama, but it is so much more than that. It is life. I don’t know a lot and I realize daily that how much I don’t know and how much I struggle is only expanding. It seems at the moment that where I’m supposed to be is working in Children’s centers and working with little ones. I’m just as much a missionary here as anywhere else I may move to in life. I’m very thankful that I’m back to mostly full time (35 hours) work again. I feel less disheveled when I’m working. I actually love to work. 

I’m not even going to go in detail as to what has been going on since my last post. It is a lot. And my problems are not all mine to share anyway. But I’m so thankful for all of you who have prayed specifically and for those of you who may have even just said a passing prayer because you noticed I was absent or far off in my mind. Part of my problems were the fact that stress and tension had brought my migraines back. With a vengeance. I had one in March that lasted a whole week. Come again? Yes, a whole week. I thought I was going to die from the pain. I am not even lying. I was scared. I won’t lie about that either. Went to the Neurologist, and they were concerned with the severity and persistence that I was having them again after 6 years of nothing. I had an MRI and that came back normal. Thank you Jesus. After getting on some medicine that had side effects I didn’t even want to  give a chance, I started playing around with Massage Therapy in May. BINGO! I haven’t had a migraine since the end of May. Totally worth it. 

I was blessed to have a surprise trip to California with my parents to visit my Grandparents. It was a fast but fantastic 5 days with family, Disney Land, and of course the dog Buddy. Last time I was there my cousin Dani was announcing her pregnancy and this time we had an almost 2 year old running around! We celebrated my grandpa’s birthday. I sat in on a few of his Ham radio shows and we spend some down time together just talking. It was a sweet time. 

I’ve been praying and the Lord has been so incredibly faithful to me. He’s opened doors and given my some sweet and precious girlfriends. I’m still learning who they are but I’m so thankful for their presence in my life. Laura and I seem to be made to be friends, we just needed to meet each other to cement our friendship. I feel like I have known her my whole life. It is just effortless to be with her. It is so very refreshing. Loren is hilarious and goofy and so encouraging in the things she says to me. I doubt she even knows how much she has helped me out without even being intentionally doing so. And then Jenny. I don’t even know. I’ve never laughed so openly, or cried with someone I barely know. I’ve never felt so lifted in my faith and yet so convicted at how lousy and weak I am in Christ. She’s amazing. And encouraging. And challenging. I CANNOT WAIT to see where we all go in our friendships in this next season of my life. 

I think my brother, Joey, is about to get a job down in Mobile – which is what he desperately wants right now so I’m hoping it works out for him. Plus, then he can finally marry Laura and they can start their new life together. 7 months of engagement is long enough, thank you very much.

I honestly planned on updating sooner but when things get hard it is easy for me to draw into myself and ignore everyone around me. But, I’ve had several people ask me to write an update so hopefully this will spur me into keeping this up more often. 

life in 2013

It has been over 2 months since I posted, I know. I feel like my mind these days are crazy. I don’t want to be inside it most days so I figured no one else wanted to.

Since I have a lot on my mind I might as well just do a list of what I’m talking about.

• I officially have 3 part time jobs. I work at Grace Pointe Child Development Center 3 days a week. I absolutely love it. I was asked to come back next year for full time (which is only 20 hours for them) and I said yes very emphatically! I love the way they handle many things. I love the staff. I love my boss. I just love it overall. I also sub when needed at Aldersgate and the Easy YMCA. Now, if I can find another 20-25 hours a week at either one of these places I may be set for the fall.
• I’m longing to move out. And I may have a place to go to, I just need to iron out some final details… one being what I just mentioned. I also need some roomies. Please pray for me to find some, and if you know of anyone wanting to move into Capitol Heights – tell them to text me or fb message me.
• I long for a husband. Not desperately. But the passion is there for sure. So I’m trying to stay focused and change to become the wife a Godly husband needs and wants. I want to be a help meet that gives God glory.
• I want to go back to Kenya daily. I miss my family there so bad that most days the mere thought of them makes me cry. I wonder if those 5 1/2 months were real. Was that really my life? Was that all some strange dream? It hurts to talk about them still, and I’m praying for finances and the ability to go back and visit them this year (my personal favorite) or in 2014 for sure.
• I’m slowly getting to where I want to be health wise. I’m almost under 30% body fat which was been a goal for me for a WHILE. After that, I’m trying to get it down to 26% or less. My weight is not moving much so I’m trying not to focus on the number on the scale, but my body and my clothing.
• I’ve had a migraine for the last 6 days that is completely different than any migraine I’ve had in my life. I’m visiting my neurologist tomorrow to get things checked out and hope that migraines are not something coming back into my life for a while.

I feel scrambled, but some how that seems normal.

job hunt

This time of year is kind of crazy for job hunting. Since I was supposed to be back in Kenya by now I didn’t plan on my looking for jobs in the middle of the school year (since I’m looking at Child Development Centers or daycare) so it has been kind of crazy and discouraging at the same time.

I’ve put applications and resumes out like crazy. Most places right now are only looking for people doing Sub work, and since I’ve never watched children in a classroom setting, lots of people have already turned me down for not having experience, but let’s be for real for a minute… how am I going to get that experience if you won’t even look at me? Let us all think that through for a minute…. ok – done!

I have been blessed however to meet two incredible ladies already who want to give me a shot doing some sub work. If you are looking for a place for your kids I would recommend talking to Sharon at Grace Point and Kristie at Aldersgate. These ladies are THEBOMB.COM. Seriously, I loved talking to them in small interviews. I’ve never felt more comfortable with an interviewer, I was laughing my head off with both women. I think that is awesome in someone who could potentially be your boss, or the director of a place that watches your children daily.

I shadowed my friend Mallory around yesterday at GP and loved it. The kids learn by playing with a purpose, which means they do more playing than curriculum teaching but each thing they play has a purpose or school that it helps them to develop. As a person who LOVES hands on myself I was in heaven. Who else DOES NOT want a job where they play with kids all day and can make money doing it? If you tell me then you need to get your brain checked out – weirdo. And today I went to A and met Kristie. You better believe I’m at my desk right now (except these few minutes to type this blog) filling out paperwork like crazy. Hopefully I will be able to tour the facility and start sub work there next week.

[Also, E goes to Aldersgate during the week so if something worked out there I would be able to see my precious little Asian baby often!!]

I’ve also got an interview planned next week to talk with Rosemary from Evangel. The good thing is that since I can only do subwork until summertime, it will help me to decide which teaching style I like most. Which center has the best environment, see who I connect with most and HOPEFULLY in the summertime one of these places will open to a full-time job.

The Lord has been good to me. He continues to grow my patience and belief in Him. I’m struggling with not having a plan in life still but I’m so thankful He has opened these doors up for this part-time work, both of which are in a church setting. If possible I will never work in a non-christian environment again, and I’m thankful for these opportunities.

2013

Here I am in another year. I’m still confused on my life and what I am supposed to do with it. I’m still operating on a day by day basis because that is all I can do. I figured I would post the few New Year resolutions I had thought about, but they are more about bettering myself really. Things that I can do and will do with God’s grace. Without ado, here they are.

• Hit -30 [or hit my goal of -40] pounds this year. In 2012 I lost 24 pounds because I got serious with my health. And had a fabulous 6 month eating plan called The Kenya diet. :) I want to continue to get healthy. Tone my body. Get my body fat % down into a more health level. I want to enjoy my body.
• Read 300 books this year. This seems a lot but I couldn’t short story compilations as books too and I can blow through a good number of those in a single day. If I could just get through Les Mis I may have a better chance at doing this.
• Read my bible and pray daily.
• Read through the whole New Testament.
• And a new one, get better at sewing and sell my products to save extra money for missions.

I think overall those are valid. They are things I can do. I would like to try to go to some arts and crafts fairs this year to sell some of my sewing. I’ve never even been to one, much less ever sold anything at one. BUT if any of you know anything about them, or know of any coming to Alabama please let me know! I am very interested.

2012 ended well: Joey and Laura are engaged, but unfortunately Joey was laid off the day after Christmas so until he finds a job they are not setting a date or planning anything. Christmas was awesome. I was able to really spend time with family, friends and my church and feel very connected. I’ve missed church, preaching, accountability – and am glad to be home for that again.

I was able to spend a few hours one day watching Grafton while B&K had an Advocare thing to do. It was sweet, I’ve missed that kid something serious.

I do miss my kids in Kenya though. These past couple days have been rough, more so than I was emotionally ready for. I saved my first conversation for the new year for a phone call to Kenya and made me so so sad to be honest. It was the first day I really wanted to go back home to Kenya. I’m starting to struggle with my mind regarding that. It is almost like I don’t want to talk about Kenya much because it makes me so sad. But I want to talk about it because I love it so much. It is confusing.

I spent a good part of NYD with my mom and some sweet friends. We went to visit Joe & Amy, as well as Michael & Kellie and all the kids. This was the first time I saw M&K since they left Kenya and it was amazing! I loved seeing them. I forgot already how much I loved kellie and our times together. She truly is a great friend. It was a wonderful time of fellowship, and I desperately need more of that in my life. Really. I’m struggling – and I need fellowship and Christ to pull me together.

I cannot wait to see what this year brings. It is going to be fantastic. I’m so hoping that Christ will continue to break me, to draw me to Himself, to change me and to make my heart exactly like His.

new life

I feel like I’m living a new life.

I know I’ve only been home about 5 days but it doesn’t seem real to me yet. I still feel like I’m on vacation. I don’t enjoy being around groups of people yet. I’m used to living in a small town (about the size of eclectic, maybe smaller) with me, sarah, the medlin’s, 17 children and a few neighbors. I don’t like shopping in malls at all right now. I get overwhelmed around lots of people. I feel a bit anxious even going into the doors of my own church. It is a little hard. I don’t want to meet people out and about just yet, so please bear with me.

I’m still waking up really early. Some days 6am, some days 4-430am. I’m doing good to be awake and functioning by 9pm. I marvel that I have electricity and can see by something other than kerosene lantern after the sun goes down. I can go to the bathroom in my house, with running water, rather than an outhouse 200 yards away from me. I have plumbing. I have food choices. I hate being in the car driving, or even riding most days. Ask my mom, I cringe a lot. I feel completely out of my element. I may have watched a half hour of television since I’ve been home – and I love that.

I have a new life. Some moments I am scared. I’m glad to be home though. It is just different.

Also, I get to end this year with the joy of knowing my brother will be married to Laura last year. I love her. I cannot wait for her to officially be my sister. But it is sad knowing this is the last year we will all be together (I mean by living) in the same house. I’m working through a lot of changes.

old but new

I know it it now December and this thankful each day thing is old, but since I did not really get to post it during November, I wanted to post my list in full today here. Plus, I’m still extremely scrambled enough that I’m not ready to put a post together yet.

Nov 1 – I’m thankful for the opportunity to spend a total of 7.5 months in Kenya serving the Lord.

Nov 2 – I’m thankful for friendships that encourage me in the Word, and remind me of God’s sovereignty in my life.

Nov 3 – I’m thankful for technology that allows me to talk to my friends and family over 5,000 miles away.

Nov 4 – I’m thankful for the emotional ability to love and truly understand and cherish friendships.

Nov 5 – I’m thankful for 17 children who warm my heart more than any one else I know in my life. And for the love that they give me daily.

Nov 6 – I’m thankful for the opportunity to be able to vote for our president from across the world.

Nov 7 – I’m thankful for the ability to get my health in order and get my body to a healthy state.

Nov 8 – I’m thankful for the little things to make me happy: a text from a friend, a candy bar in the mail, a picture of my dogs at home, an unexpected call or fb message from my family.

Nov 9 – I’m thankful for power and running water.

Nov 10 – I’m thankful for the financial ability that God has given so many people who have been a true blessing to me on my many trips in my life.

Nov 11 – I’m thankful for parents who have provided me shelter, clothing, food daily and basic medical care.

Nov 12 – I’m thankful for God’s conviction on my life this past month regarding my spiritual walk and prayer life. And for the journey I’ve started in getting closer to Him.

Nov 13 – I’m thankful for new opportunities in life, both good and bad.

Nov 14 – I’m thankful for friendships around the world, that are founded and rooted in Christ.

Nov 15 – I’m thankful for simple joys: music, books to read and outdoors to enjoy.

Nov 16 – I’m thankful for an amazing pastor and church body that preaches the gospel daily in word and deed.

Nov 17 – I’m thankful for rains to help grow the gardens of the people around the world, and support a family by its fruits.

Nov 18 – I’m thankful for the ability to worship Christ with 100 children every Sunday and share the gospel with them.

Nov 19 – I’m thankful for random acts of kindness from people who are complete strangers.

Nov 20 – I’m thankful for modern medicine.

Nov 21 – I’m thankful for so many people who have invested in my life, spiritually or otherwise.

Nov 22 – I’m thankful for the gift of vision and the ability to hear (and the world around me to enjoy in these ways.)

Nov 23 – I’m thankful for holidays to remind me of all the blessings I have in life, both past and present.

Nov 24 – I’m thankful that I grew up in a country where I wasn’t struggling to survive daily on meager amounts of food or health care/medicine for basic sickness or injury.

Nov 25 – I’m thankful for a God that I can have a true and genuine relationship with. For a God who is loving, merciful and unchanging.

Nov 26 – I’m thankful for people and friendships that are worth crying over, who will cry with me and listen to me when I’m upset.

Nov 27 – I’m thankful for a home that I so anxiously look forward to going home to.

Nov 28 – I’m thankful for love in my life, both tough love and gentleness.

Nov 29 – I’m thankful for music that calms my soul and reminds me of simple truths.

Nov 30 – I’m thankful for family, both biological and in Christ. For their prayers, their actions, their blessings for where I go and what I do in life. For their support and love.

tomorrow is big

In case you did not know, tomorrow is the day I fly off to move to Kenya for a year. I won’t be updating this blog again until I’m home in December. It’s been real Alabama, see you in 6 months.

Check out http://anewlifeinafreeka.wordpress.com/

feelings

You would think I would have 3852457265 feelings in my mind right now about this move, but honestly I am finally at peace about it. I mean I’m kind of anxious to get over there and get going, but otherwise that is it. I realized financially things will work out, or they won’t. Either way I have the $ needed each month from the church to pay  for living in the orphanage. Everything else is to help pay for other bills, give $ to the orphanage to work on projects or help pay things for whatever. I don’t have to have a phone but it would be nice for my parents. Either way I’m finally not worried about it. I’ve been blessed with so many people in my life that want to help me, and already have been able to financially. I know people who have made pledges for each month and some that told me they have something come my way. I just say thank you, THANK YOU because it just blows me away how many people love me and want to help. Honestly, what have I done in each of your life to deserve such friendships?

My only worry now is selling my car. Until that happens I have no plane ticket to come home in December, and I have to leave the country because of Visa standards. But, mom is now a notarized POA for me so she has 6 months to find someone who wants it…. if you are interested let us know! It is a great car really.

I’ve started packing. I mean it actually looks like a tornado has gone through my room several times to be honest. That has made it more real than anything at this point. I’ve got my last two shots scheduled for Friday: typhoid and yellow fever. I’m working on emergency evacuation insurance, but that is not a MUST if we cannot afford it then we just pray nothing serious happens medically where I need to be airlifted out.

I have tomorrow, next Monday and Tuesday, and then 5 days with G the week before I leave. I cannot believe that is all I have left with him. After that I will no longer be a nanny, at least not to him. He was 6 months old when I started watching him, and when I leave he will be 2 and 3 months. Good gracious. He’s not even my kid and it has been a flash. E was too. We have plans with G’s family on the 26th and I know I’m going to be tripping, an emotional basket case and Kathy will be too, and mom probably. But it will be good closure. Thankfully it is not like I will NEVER EVER see them again. We are just all moving on to a new place in life.

I’m actually looking forward to a more simple lifestyle. I will have a wardrobe of 6 weeks probably. Food is simple and a small variety. My days will be somewhat structured. I have a feeling my life will be super simple, and I’m looking forward to that really. Now when I come home in December I may not know how to make a choice just because there will be SO MANY options. But for now, I’m ready for easy. [not easy, just different]

22 days people. TWENTY-TWO.