After A LOT of thinking. And sadly, not as much praying. Asking questions. Reading. Thinking some more. Much too much doubting. And friendship developing, it has become obvious to me that my life is heading in an amazing direction. And this is what I need to be focusing on. I don’t need to doubt that – no matter what is happening around me. And Lord knows, there is plenty that is serving as a distraction. I need to pursue this move with everything I have. A sweet lady told me at church Sunday that now is the perfect time to go! What distractions do I have holding me back? None really. And for some reason (all God), this time it stuck. I really thought that is true. I have been talking to Kathy about it really and she said something that struck. She asked me when I was doubting how did I know that this is what God was wanting me to do? Was is just me thinking that or was there a defining moment? A push? And I guess my face gave it away. She said that, that right there that you are thinking of – what was it? And I told her, I do remember feeling in my body and hearing in my mind something say GO. A clear directive. Something other than me making it clear. I knew right then when I had that feeling that it was God saying Go Bella. Go. And she said when you get to doubting, or thinking of the gazillion what ifs, or people try to talk you out of it, or you feel overwhelmed and want to give up that feeling and directive that you know was from God should be what you focus on. It should be your drive. And that’s true. As good as I can remember that was the first time I felt like He was telling me something plain as day. And who am I to doubt that? To write it off as just a feeling? A sinner who is struggling actually. But she is right, that is what I should focus on everyday when I get lost in myself.
I don’t have a specific day of departure yet but I’m planning June. I am saying June 23rd because it seems that would be my first weekend that I could leave so all my family could be there to send me off. I work until the 11th. And that week is my dad’s birthday, father’s day and my parent’s anniversary. So if the 23rd is the date then that only leaves me 151 days left. 151. sheesh. Seems farther off when I say June 23rd vs. 151 days.
I try not to think about all the things I will be leaving behind that I won’t get to experience until I come home (tentatively) for Christmas.
- Watching G for July wyncamp.
- Elynn turning 2.
- Laura turning 21.
- Mawmaw turning 81.
- Grandma’s birthday.
- Joey and Laura’s possible engagement.
- My cousin’s wedding in September.
- Thanksgiving
- Kathy turning 31.
- Epps family christmas get together.
- And depending on when I leave – New years.
I know there is amazing technology so I won’t really be to far away thanks to FB, Skype, Blog, Phones, Email. But I really learned with Dad how different things are celebrating them over the internet versus being there in person. It can be overwhelming to think about.
Please just continue to pray that the Lord will give us great church capabilities, and amazing teachings and feedings for us workers as well as the children to be fed spiritually. I will miss Mview for sure. I’m so blessed to be part of a church that has such a clear goal and focus on sharing the Gospel in everything it does first and foremost.
